Learning to accept the reality of "what is"

I have been feeling extremely passionate about many things lately, and I think it's because of my illness, and of the persistant realization that it is not something that is going to be temporary or completely go away. I realize more and more that my illness gets in the way of enjoying many everyday pleasures that are just taken for granted by so many, and that I have to swallow my pride many times to deal with it.

This feeling hit home recently, when we visited Stephen and Bridgette, Karl's son and his girlfriend, in Nashville. We had a WONDERFUL time with them, but the weekend did not go without me feeling embarassed for breaking out in an absolutely horid sweat for at least a day and a half, where I had to carry something with me to wipe the sweat off of me. This is a side affect of my medications. Now sweating is no big thing . . . except I am a bit vain about wearing make-up. Slowly but surely as I've been in my adventure of life with this disease, I have learned to lose some of my vanity, and just be thankful when waterproof mascara stays on! But
that was not the worst of it.

Here are some pictures of us on our tours:

We went to the Gaylord Opryland Hotel to visit the absolutely gorgeous interior, which is decorated by indoor gardens, in and amongst the shops, restaurants and hotel rooms. It is absolutely gorgeous! Well, we had barely gotten inside, and I realized it was going to be one of those days when I can't walk far. So I told Karl, Stephen and Bridgette to go on an look around, take their time, and I'd be waiting on a bench for them. After sitting about an hour, I wondered if there were maybe "scooters" for rent in the Hotel. Sure enough, I called on my cell phone to the resort, and found out where the scooter office was, and started in that direction. Almost to the office I met up with my family, and they went with me to get my scooter. So, I was able to enjoy scooting through the walkways, being a part of it all, and I had a wonderful time afterall. However, this did not come without some embarassment.

The next day we went to see a plantation house and grounds . . . and after walking through the tour of the first room, I knew it was going to be impossible to tour through the whole house. So I went outside to enjoy sitting in the gardens. Again . . . how embarassing!

The only thing I can say, however, is that Stephen is so dear to my heart . . . and we enjoyed our time with he and Bridgette SO VERY MUCH, that I can just hope that they can overlook my handicap. See, for my own children to see me experience this new journey I'm on is one thing. But "step children", it's another. Those of you who know me well know that I dearly love Karl's children, because I love HIM so very much. But . . . the feelings aren't always mutual, and though some of them put on a "Big boy" or "Big girl" smile, and act like they don't mind being around me, doesn't mean they like - or even love - me. Our relationships are more like a loving friendship, since they are all adults, and they have truly been gifts in my life.

As time goes on, I don't know what my journey with my health will entail, but I truly want to continue getting more comfortable with changes I have to make. As I continue my exercise routine, and my medications, and lifestyle changes I just pray that I learn to get less self-conscientous and just "live". In my heart of hearts I know that "Life is what you make it", but even more than that, with Heavenly Father's help, it is what His will is for me, and how I handle the journey. Fortunately, as I was reminded recently, He won't necessarily take us out of our difficulties, but he does promise to be right there with us/me through it all. What a comfort!